5 Conversation Starters (Some) Inspired by OSRS

Communication builds relationships, so let’s talk!

But before we get into the list, here's something to sit with:
in Old School RuneScape, quests begin with a conversation. You walk up to a character, you talk, and from that talk a whole adventure unfolds. You have to engage. That's not so different from what the best family conversations look like.

One of the quieter truths in family life education is that connection doesn't usually happen in big moments. It can be reinforcing, but it can’t make up for a foundation. Connection happens in the small, repeated habit of turning toward each other with genuine curiosity. And that can be through sharing daily events, asking for help, and even playing/talking about Old School Runescape together. I say that because that is ONE of the many aspects my husband and I do with our kids ( all below 11 years), and it works. And it is fun for all of us, as family life should (as often as possible) be.

John Gottman's research on couples (and later families) consistently found that the quality of everyday interaction predicts relationship health far more than any single dramatic event. But sometimes we are tired, and we don’t have the capacity to go straight to the deep stuff and talk about it…

So we used little conversation starters (as games) in our family to have fun and connect through our shared interests. These are not questions designed to produce the 'right' answers, but invitations. The kind that opens something:

1. "If your life were a quest, what would the title be right now?"

This one is brilliant for kids because it sidesteps the pressure of talking about feelings, expectations and tasks directly. Instead, it invites metaphorical thinking, which is one of the most integrative things a mind can do. When we give an experience a story shape, we process it differently. More completely. Don't push for a “good” answer. Don’t hope to hear the best adventure of all times. Whatever they say is information, and we can use that for connection and a way to support them day to day. Also, it might use inspiration from various things not just OSRS even if they love it, but it is still fun to hear how their minds work.

And grown ups can answer it too! For me? Last time it made me think of this year’s Easter Bunny Event. I mean, I try to get something done and when I finally get to it a new task shows up. The egg rolls away… I go from one place to another, repeating things, not sure when it ends. I got frustrated sometimes… In the end there is minimal reward (similar to chores for example). So yeah, a little monotone, a little boring. And guess what, my oldest child could relate to that so well! School, homework, repeated daily schedules… often underwhelming and tiring at the same time. He doesn’t see where it ends, what is the point. And I bet there are more than one of us who can relate to that.

Once again, the answer doesn’t have to be an OSRS quest, it can be a journey of your own creation, but sometimes we can use an experience from games we all know, and find that we are more alike than we think.

2. "What's something you worked really hard at this week, even if nobody noticed?"

Alfie Kohn has written at length about the damage done when we only celebrate visible success. This question gently corrects that. It teaches children that effort has inherent value, not because it will be rewarded, but because it matters. You might be surprised what comes up!

And I mean… from 1 to 99… isn’t there a long way to level up your skills? Do people see you achieving much in runecrafting or woodcutting between levels? Probably not, unless they live in the same game universe. BUT, as you play you see how leveled up skills help you with other tasks that are fun.

So yeah. In real life too. We often work hard with no visible success, but it doesn’t mean it has no value. We take it for granted sometimes, we may think it is natural. Talking about practicing letters that leads to writing and reading, talking about laundry that let us dress and appear comfortable and kempt in the world. We can talk about in-game experiences or real world experiences with our kids, from their viewpoint or ours: the point is to understand each other better. To see things with new eyes, and appreciate our own work and others’ contributions more. Also a great way to talk to them about invisible labor.

3. "What's something that confused you lately?"

Confusion is underrated as a family topic. We ask kids about what they know, what they achieved, what happened. We rarely ask them to name what they don't understand yet. This question creates psychological safety around not-knowing, which is foundational for curiosity and learning. 

It also works beautifully for parents to answer too. And RuneScape works well in the start of the conversation because it is a no-risk topic. No risk in feeling ashamed, looking stupid, etc. I mean I ask questions about how to do something all the time, and to someone experiences it could seem dumb, but my son (who read the printed out OSRS Wiki I made him) is super excited to teach me something he knows.

Parents can also start to show: we don’t know everything, we also have to look up answers sometimes. We can be extremely knowledgeable in one area, and less so in other. That is also why team work matters. Real life teams and in-game GIM included.

4. "If you could give today's version of yourself some advice, what would it be?"

This is a gentle self-reflection prompt that works surprisingly well even with younger children. I like Katie Byron’s book about the 4 questions, I find it very useful in hard situations. But here it is more simple: her work on inquiry is built on the idea that we have more inner wisdom than we usually access, we just need the right question to unlock it. This prompt invites kids to trust their own thinking, which is one of the most valuable things a family can model!

Once again, Runescape can set a good example, as a no risk character reflection:

We all know what we would do differently if we could start the game again, because we have more experience. But what about now, what should be done now in the game? Is everything ruined because we did the wrong quest order, and we lost some XP being inefficient? No. Can the game still be enjoyable, can we still reach our goals? Yes.
So how does that relate to my life now, what can I change to make things better?

Since little kids usually don’t play Runescape (if they try it is about fun and not strategy)  it doesn’t have to be all about the game, but if they are involved and know some aspect through the parents/older siblings gaming it can be relatable for them too.

5. "What's one thing you wish I understood better about you?"

This is the brave one. And the most important. Virginia Satir, one of the great family therapists of the last century, believed that most family pain comes not from bad intentions, but from not truly seeing each other. 

What this question says is: I want to see you more clearly. You are important to me and I want to make an effort. I'm willing to hear something that might be uncomfortable. That's a building block for real connection.

Finally… A note on how to use these

Don't sit down with a list. Don't make it an exercise. Pick one, ask it in the car or at dinner, and then listen without preparing your response. The goal isn't the answer, don’t stress it. The goal is the conversation that the answer opens.

In RuneScape, the quests that stay with you aren't necessarily the ones where you collected the most loot and highest XP. They're the ones where you had to think, adapt, maybe made a mistake, but kept grinding and showing up. Family conversation is like that too. Keep showing up!